A Song To Kiss You Goodbye Chapter Six

"Sometimes when I look at you, I feel I'm gazing at a distant 

star.

 It's dazzling, but the light is from tens of thousands of years 

ago.

Maybe the star doesn't even exist any more. Yet sometimes 

that light seems more real to me than anything."

~ Haruki Murakami, (South of the Border, West of the Sun)

Stephan finally decides to ask Maxie the big "will you" question. How will everyone react to this question though. Stephan finally learns about what really happened to Roy's last lover, and what Roy has really been thinking the past few months.

Stephan Kane's P.O.V.

It had been a few months since I'd rekindled by relationship with Maxie. Over the past few months, our relationship had grown stronger than it had ever been before. I'd also become friends with Roy, who was still living with us but was looking at a new place for himself. Recently, I'd been trying to get Roy to date. I knew he still loved Maxie, but I also knew he was trying his best not to. He'd come to me at times and tell me about how he was feeling. One time he told me to slap him because he couldn't get Maxie out of his head.

"That girl looks like she is interested in you Roy," I commented, pointing at a girl with blonde hair and brown eyes that seemed like would catch his eye. She sure had her eye on Roy, and who wouldn't? He was one of the strongest guys I'd ever met, and once you got to know him, he was the nicest person you would ever meet.

"You can try and stop getting me a girlfriend Stephan. I've given up on love. I should of learned my lesson the first time."

"The first time?" I asked him.

"Yes, why else would he of had a son?" Maxie answered me.

"Can we please not talk about my past life, it's kind of painful for me. I just want to start over. Maybe even finally finish school..."

"You mean you haven't finished college?" I asked him.

"No, I haven't finished high school." Oops, my bad.

We sat there in silence for a moment. I never would of expected Roy to of never finished high school. He seemed like such a smart guy. He probably had a lot of potential. I wonder what happened?

"I'm going to work out for a while you two," Roy finally said to us, "Why don't you two go to the house and eat outside or something?"

That was my signal. I'd spoken to Roy this morning about what I was playing to do, and soon everything would come into place... at least I hoped it would.

"Have you noticed how depressed, but at same time happy Roy seems today?" Maxie asked me after we had eaten our lunch, " I haven't seen him his way since I told him we'd finally fix our relationship. He has this I'm happy for you attitude about it that he only gets when you and I are together. Is there something I need to know?"

"You'll learn soon enough why he's like this today." I stood up from my seat. This is it, I'm finally going to ask.

"What are you doing Stephan?" Maxie asked as she stood up, watching me as I got on my knees.

"Maxie, how much do you love me?"

"You're everything to me, but you still haven't answered my question. Why are you on your..."

"Will you marry me?"

Her face glowed with shock and happiness, "Stephan, I can't believe it! Yes! Yes! I'll marry you!"

Maxie Clands P.O.V.

He'd finally asked me! No wonder Roy seemed so out of it today. Stephan had probably talked to him about it. They'd become pretty good friends after I stopped cheating on Stephan. I was surprised Stephan hadn't said anything about Roy and I. It was in the news and everything about the two of us who hooing at the M&N.

But that wasn't what I was thinking about right now. Currently my mind was focused on Stephan and I. He'd asked me! He'd finally asked me!!!!

"I love you Stephan!" I said as I hugged him, tears of happiness flowing from my eyes as he embraced me.

"I love you too Maxie, now and forever."

Roy Herman's P.O.V.

Get over her Roy! She's happily in love with Stephan, you shouldn't be feeling like this still, I told myself as I lifted some weights, trying to avoid looking over at Stephan and Maxie. I knew Stephan had planned to propose, and from the sound I was hearing from across the beach, Maxie had said yes.

I found myself starting to water up in the eyes at the thought of Stephan and Maxie. I'd caused them so much trouble from letting my feelings for Maxie control my actions. I didn't deserve to have her, and I never could. No one deserved me. I was an IF, and no one who was an IF deserved anyone.

Then I remembered the song Maxie had sung to me when she was helping me find a place to perform. "Secrets" had been the name of the song, and it focused around a girl who didn't know if she should tell people who she really was. Maxie sang the song like she knew this from experience. The lines of the song seemed to speak to me, 

I sang some of the lyrics quietly out loud to think about them in more depth, some of the words sticking out more than ever before, "Sometimes I wonder if I'm really there,

 If I'm just imagining this reality so fair,

A secret I hold from everyone I think could care, 

But I won't tell them my secret, I wouldn't dare,

It's a curse I tell myself, they don't need to know,

But the same time they do, but I keep telling myself no,

They'll shun me if I tell them who I really am,

And then there goes their doors in my face, bam!"

Could it really be possible Maxie was an IF as well? No, it wasn't possible, someone as amazing as Maxie couldn't be an IF, could it?

Maxie Kane's P.O.V.

It had been two months since Stephan had proposed, and I couldn't be happier. Roy was a different story though. I'd hardly seem him since then, and whenever I did, he was trying to avoid me. At least he came to my wedding, but he didn't seem in the greatest mood. Whenever I tried to go talk to him, he'd walk off. Stephan tried to talk to him as well, but Roy did the same exact thing to him as he did to me.

Other than that, everything went smoothly I think. Stephan and I had planned a small wedding where he'd proposed. It wasn't the biggest thing out there, but ti didn't need to be. I didn't like big crowds anyway due to me being... and IF.

As Stephan slipped the ring onto my finger, I realized I still hadn't told him I was an IF. I had to tell him sometime, but my fear of his reaction scared me.

As I looked around at the crowd, I noticed that Roy wasn't there. Where had he gotten to? I still had to talk to him about us. Had he really cared for me, was it just to get what he could of me, or did he do it because I wanted to? Roy never had actually told me he loved me after that first time and at the bar. The rest of our whole relationship, he'd never said those words to me once. I knew one thing was for sure, I still loved him. Even though I was now married to Stephan, I still had strong feelings for Roy, and nothing I did could get rid of it.

"Stephan," I began after we were hanging around the buffet, "Where is Roy?"

"I don't now. Maybe I should go look for him?"

"Yes, you go do that. He's been acting weird today, more than usual. Maybe you two should talk about it if he'll let you."

"Don't worry Maxie, I'll go check up on him."

Stephan Kane's P.O.V.

I found Roy in the bathroom, checking on his face. I was about to ask what was going on when I noticed his eyes, he was crying.

When he noticed me, his eyes only watered up with more tears. Now I knew why Roy had been acting funny, trying to avoid us. He'd been trying to hide his feelings from us.

"I guess you figured out how I still feel for Maxie."

"I had a hunch at that, but there will be another. I promise you Roy, there will be..."

"No, there won't. I've only fallen for two people, Maxie and Billy's mom, Helen."

"What happened to this girl? Does she even know about Billy being dead?"

"I'm sure she does. stuff like that must go around in the world of the deceased." 

"Wait... your ex is... dead?"

Roy explained to me how he'd been deeply in love with Helen as a teenager. He'd gotten her pregnant and had to quit school in order to take care of her, since her parents had kicked her out when they learned of this.

"I wasn't one of the best kids out there, and neither was Helen. We both partied till there was no tomorrow, drinking, drugs, you name the thing, we most likely did it at least twice. After I quit school, I tried to keep everything under control, even though I could never get enough money. I was able to stop using drugs and limit how much I drank. Helen had managed not to do any of that stuff while she was pregnant, but after that, she went into over drive with it. That was what lead to her down fall I believe."

"The week she'd died, she went into a huge state of depression I'd only had seen in my worst dreams. She kept claiming she'd ruined my chances of living a perfect life. I'd actually had been very academically successful in school. I kept trying to explain to her my life wouldn't be perfect unless Billy and her were in it, but she wouldn't listen."

"I'd tried everything I could to explain to her she was my everything, but she just couldn't grasp it. I remember a conversation we'd had the night before the incident

She asked me, 'How could you ever love me? My own parents didn't want me after they learned I wasn't perfect.' 

'I don't want a girl who's perfect. I want an individual, a very special girl I fell in love with and still am.'

But she didn't listen, nothing worked... nothing..."

"The next morning, I found her dead in the bathroom. I knew from all the pills and drugs that laid used around her that she'd purposely been trying to kill herself, and she'd succeeded..." more tears filled into Roy's eyes after mentioning Helen's death," She'd left Billy and I... and I had failed to stop her from doing so. I've failed to save Helen. I've failed to save Billy. I've failed to stop loving Maxie. I'm just one huge failure!"

"You're not a failure Roy," I tried to tell him, "You have to listen, you've overcome so much. I look at you and envy you."

"You envy my problems?"

"No, I envy your perseverance to fight through it all."

"You shouldn't be, I was considering suicide that week after Billy died. I wouldn't still be here probably if it wasn't for Maxie coming to see me and asking me to move in with you two. I'm more messed up than you think."

"Just promise me you won't kill yourself. It would hurt Maxie beyond belief."

"Why? Why would she even care? She has you now."

"Yes, but... you see... I think she still loves you too." I decided to leave then. I didn't have anything else to say, now it was up to Roy to be strong. I knew he was, he just didn't realize it. The sad part was I wasn't lying about me think Maxie still loved him, because I could tell she did. That was another thing I envied about Roy, he had so much of her love, more than what she had for me.